Zingers and zooters

"With great beard comes great responsibility..."

Morning everyone, I've been a rubbish blogger but I promise to be better. Excited about today's cricket... the Aussies have the upper hand in the first Test but if England can bowl with some fire and then bat with resolution and restraint they can not only save the match but maybe even win it. Or maybe it's just better if it rains a lot.

I'm probably even more excited about the prospect of Richie Benaud returning to our screens, albeit it only for brief Saturday stints in Five's coverage. Be good to hear some banter between him and Boycott again. Talking of banter, there's some great badinage flowing back and forth on Twitter. Bumble, Aggers, Dizzy Gillespie, Tuffers, Swanny, TMS, Malcolm Ashton are all on there, Bumble is hilarious. Cricket is definitely as much about banter and camaraderie as it is bowling and batting! If you're on Twitter, I'm HoracePecksniff for some reason I can't really remember.

Right, let's get things going with an over of zingers and zooters, as dear Richie might put it...

1) Welcome back, Richie - the Blessed Benaud is back in the commentary box in England (or Wales) today and that is a matter for rejoicing. The Guardian's Barney Ronay always comes up with some witty stuff and his homage to Richie is excellent http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2009/jul/03/ashes-richie-benaud-commentary He calls Benaud "Yoda-like, cream-jacketed and always unobtrusively on the money..." Marvellous.

2) Freak dismissal - Cricket is wonderful because it's so formal and rule-bound on the one hand, but strange and surprising on the other. This week, Ed Joyce experienced the latter, caught by Jonathan Trott at short leg... when the ball landed in the right pocket of his trousers http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/cricket/counties/8142712.stm

3) Heads down - One thing that England's batters need to do is to turn solid starts and decent scores into centuries. At least one of Strauss, Bopara, Pieterson, Collingwood, Prior and Flintoff should have made three figures. If they can't do that this summer, then it's hard to see England winning back the Ashes. The Aussies do this as a matter of course. Ricky 'Punter' Ponting's determination and shot selection were excellent. He hardly ever gives his wicket away cheaply and that's what England's batsmen need to learn to do. Same with Essex actually. New boy Hashim Amla (see below) showed how that should be done yesterday, with his dogged second innings 181 saving the game against Glamorgan. Essex batters rarely seem to get Championship centuries at the moment.

4) Hashim Amla - "With great beard comes great responsibility" That's what hirsute Stanford-le-Hope spoken word maestro Scroobius Pip says on his MySpace and Essex's new overseas signing Hashim Amla surely knows this. No doubt Amla's impressive beardage is a result of his religious convictions, but like Mr Pip it certainly helps power along his performances. In fact, I've never seen Messrs Pip and Amla in the same room... Beards and cricket have a long history together. WG Grace is probably the most famously and extravagantly bearded cricketer of all time. Popular myth says that bowlers would often lose the ball in his mighty, bristling facial hair. Big beards are not much in fashion any more, on the cricket pitch or otherwise, but I hope that Amla can help reverse that trend.

5) Yes, It's The Ashes - So, a bit of lively cricket conversation and comedy with 5Live show Yes, It's The Ashes on Saturday morns at 11am with Andy Zaltzman. I'm listening to TMS but I'm gonna listen on iPlayer later http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/

6) The Scotch Egg - I've touched on cricket and snacks before, but never really thought about what cricketers might smell like. I prefer chomping on pink wafers, Choc Dips and Monster Munch while watching the glorious game. But here, Barney Ronay (again) speculates that Aussie quickie Peter Siddle may actually smell of scotch egg... http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/blog/2009/jul/11/peter-siddle-ashes-australia-barney-ronay It's an intriguing proposition. I think Ronay's (subconscious) thinking comes from the resemblance Siddle bears to Alan Partridge at times, parting his lips to reveal a cheesy grimace. And, of course, Alan liked a scotch egg but feared the repercussions.